once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize