I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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