Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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