Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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