The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
