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Fuck appropriateness.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
