i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
