Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
nutella sex= disaster
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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