Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
