She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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