Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
