If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
