I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
im holly from the hills drunk
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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