did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
