Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
What did we do last night that was yellow?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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