yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
