Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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