I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
3pm strippers are depressing
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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