Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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