omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
