I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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