My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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