a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
