Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
