i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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