How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
