Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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