Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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