I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
not ubering you a puppy
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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