winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
