I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
