Having a random hookup so left but love u
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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