Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Rumble strips road head = magical
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
