sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
