Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
