They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
