my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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