I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
