chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize