Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
