I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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