I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
