would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I am naked and annoyed.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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