I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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