I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
