yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
