I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
