I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
