Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
