did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
