girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize