do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
