I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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