what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
