I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
