I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
