Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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