areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
