very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
