So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
