So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize