Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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