Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
