I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
