I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
