his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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