i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
