the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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