Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
