when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
