tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
