dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
