just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize