we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
