Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
