I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
