If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
