I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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