his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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