My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
