Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
