I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
