..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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