someone owes me an orgasm
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
