Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
