I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
