if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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