There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
