Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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