I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
