I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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