a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
