Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
