Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
