I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
