I'm gonna have a badass scar
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize