I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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