Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
