the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
