Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
