Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
