I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
