There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
