you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
