I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
there is glitter all over my balls
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
