So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
